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12:57 am: Keanu seeks absolution...
And, I'm almost inclined to grant absolution after seeing Constantine. But it's hard to forgive such travesties against mankind as The Matrix: Reloaded and Matrix: Revolutions. Those films were nothing less than intolerable cruelties to inflict upon a (once) fan base. However, I should hold the Wachowski Brothers responsible for that, and not the actor. Reeves is merely barking upon command. (On an unrelated topic, I must admit that I am terrified of how the Wachowski Brothers will handle V for Vendetta...)

Miss Autopsy's review of Constantine:
Synopsis: Visually pleasing film, bogged in an angst-ridden mire of muddled thoughts, pretense and prelude to a dream-like eminence not quite delivered.

The cast selection could have been better. Keanu Reeves and Rachel Weisz were adequate. I especially liked Tilda Swinton cast as Gabriel. (Note: huge fan of Orlando; she's a very wry actor, but convincing nonetheless). I was not as pleased with Peter Stormare as Lucifer. I get the impression that he researched his role by watching Viggo Mortensen as Lucifer in The Prophecy. For that matter, I would have preferred the slithery Mortensen; he was almost docile with his hushed whispers and silvery words; not of course without delivering the full load of evil required to be the Dark Prince. Stomare should have practiced more. My choices for Lucifer in no particular order: Richard Roxburgh, Ted Levine, Malcolm McDowell, Terrance Stamp, Michael Wincott...anyone of those guys possesses either the sinister presence or personality to pull it off.

Constantine was a bit contrived and lacked full character development, but I could deal with those aspects because I went in with low expectations. There were some very interesting visual effects during the hospital showdown where the hospital facade was reflected as a satanic church on the pool's tiled floors. That was quite nice. The demons were adequate, but much can be learned from studying masters such as Bava and Argento where demons are concerned.

So, I give it skulls out of five.


[User Picture]
Date:March 11th, 2005 06:20 am (UTC)
In other words, Satan should have been played by ME! As I always said, Micheal Wincott would be perfect for Darkhawk...well now after seeing the 13th Warrior I think Antonio Ban-Derrrrr-as...would also work!
[User Picture]
Date:March 13th, 2005 04:02 am (UTC)
I've always believed you'd make a great Satan. Should 'da man' ever need a successor, he need look no further.

Of course this gets me to thinking...who could pull off portraying Satan?
Here's my list (in no particular order) for your consideration:

*Ted Levine (when this guy isn't a dancing tranny, he looks pretty sinister, heck, even when he is a dancing tranny he looks pretty sinister)
*Everett McGill (dude just looks evil, think Silver Bullet)
*Terrance Stamp (Oh yeah, he looked pretty devilish as General Zod--but even now with a bit of age, he has a sinister element to him like no other (check him out in The Limey)
*Michael Wincott (he has the voice, he has the look: Top Dollar, need I write more?)
*Vincent D'Onofrio (the man can pull off ANYTHING)
*Orson Welles (subject to resurrection and time travel)
*Christopher Lee (can anyone be more sinister?)
*Peter Cushing (again, subject to resurrection)
*Kevin Spacey (subdued charm...)
*Harvey Keitel (after his turn as Satan in Little Nicky, I'm sold. [Not to mention the ultra-cool Wolf])
*Richard Roxburgh (sucked in Van Helsing, but I liked him in LXG...he was pretty weasel-like in Moulin Rouge)
*Jack Palance (another evil presence)
*Ving Rhames (oh yeah)
*Patrick McGoohan (Longshanks, King Edward I - Braveheart)
*Michael Des Barres (kinda evil in Ghoulies)
*James Coburn (again with the resurrection)
*Peter Weller (the man has got to be made from wax...he looks so...unnatural)
*Samuel L. Jackson (Bad Motherf*cker)

Geez, I just know I'm leaving out some good ones...
[User Picture]
Date:March 13th, 2005 07:20 am (UTC)
Hmmmm - your Satan list is impressive. Kevin Spacy would be freaky and Ted Levine Yeah Satan in tranny dance wear...that'd pretty much fuck up my time in Hell...Especially that whole "tucking" thing!

And NO ONE is more sinister than Christopher Lee...maybe Peter Cushing!

Hmmm - Ok a few more possible Satans:

Ian McDarmind (He played the Emperor I think he can improvise)
James Earl Jones - Hello! The Voice alone.
George Clooney - well I can dig it. Suave and cool.
Viggo MOrtensen - He already did a good job in The Prophecy!
George Lucas - Hello! He fucks up everything.
Malcom McDowell - He's creepy!
Patrick Stewart - It'd piss the trekkies off.
Ben Cross - Well duh!
Stellen Skarsgard - Could work...
Max Von Sydow - orginal exorcist dude and quite creepy!
Elizabeth Hurely - I'd fuck her. And she made a good satan in Bedazzled! And did I mention I'd fuck her ;-)
[User Picture]
Date:March 13th, 2005 09:27 am (UTC)
Funny; Max Von Sydow and Malcolm McDowell were both in my head. I think I may have included McDowell in my original post. Ben Cross--now there's a good choice. I was pleasantly surprised to see him in Exorcist: The Beginning. Stellan Skarsgard, yes, he's a SILF. (Guys have MILF, I have SILF).

Antonio BAN-DAY-REEEEEE-SSSSSS, yes, after 13th Warrior, I can see it...but, I'm having to erase visions of him and Brad Pitt from Interview with the Vampire. Somehow, the whole 'You are beautiful...' canoodling scene detracts from his evil presence.

I neglected the females...Elizabeth Hurley did shine in Bedazzled. How about Zelda Rubinstein? Yes, indeedily doodily, the magic munchkin. I'm guessing she's already in league with the devil. Grace Jones--if you consider her female...
[User Picture]
Date:March 13th, 2005 06:52 pm (UTC)
ACK! I had erased teh whole Antonio/Brad thing from my mind THANK YOU VERY FREAKIGN MUCH!!!! And Grace Jones...*shudder* I don't think she is female...or male for that matter...
[User Picture]
Date:March 13th, 2005 09:12 pm (UTC)
Oops! Sorry for the flashback. Should I bring up Lady Godiva to distract from the Brad/Antonio thing? ;-)
[User Picture]
Date:March 13th, 2005 09:18 pm (UTC)
Even worse even worse even worse...
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