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07:37 am: Another random thought about Episode III
Yes, it's a given fact that if you are over the age of seven, you have an issue with Jar Jar Binks. Thankfully, Lucas abbrieviated his appearances in Episode III to a mere background character. (Hey, Georgie boy, we owe ye one for that!).

This gets me thinking...(tripartite will definitely wonder if I'm firing on all thrusters now)
Firstly, was there a *need* for Jar Jar in The Phantom Menace? Comic relief is a nice touch when used properly; I think we can all agree on that, but I didn't find Jar Jar to be remotely cute, funny or necessary. This leaves me wondering who could have been thrown into the mix as the perfect sidekick.

Here are my choices in no particular order:
- Howard the Duck - It's not nice to fool with the dark overlords!
- Twiki - a pint-sized C-3PO, but less gay
- Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo (need I write more?)
- Bender (Hey, bite my shiny metal ass.)
- Gary Coleman (he could use the work...)
- Deep Roy or Majai from the remake of the Island of Doctor Moreau because, damn, there just aren't enough freaky midgets in the new episodes.
- The army of Fembots from Austin Powers. (Nothing spells 'doom' like toxic-gas firing breasts)
- Comic Book Guy [Egad -- a maniac cutting a swath of destruction! This is a job for
the Green Lantern, Thundra, or possibly... Ghost Rider.] [ Lucite hardening...must end life in classic Lorne Greene pose from "Battlestar Galactica. Best ... death ... ever!] How could he not be a valuable addition?
- My wiener dog, Trixie. Because wiener dogs are cute and fearsome.

Comments

[User Picture]
From:tripartite
Date:July 12th, 2005 02:07 pm (UTC)
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(Thrusters? That word, I do not think it means what you think it means.) n_n

- Howard the Duck was another Lucas disaster, iirc. He would hardly have been worse than Jar Jar.
- Twiki was always behind Dr. Theopolis. How gay is that?
- I didn't like that show. I always thought it was Rocky Horror for the lazy/boring/etc.
- I can her it now. May The Force be with you. Bite my shiny metal ass! (That's funny right there...)
- He could be a Kenny Baker stunt coc..uh, double.
- Warwick Davis was in the prequels too. :)
- I've always thought Mike Myers was a dimwit. However, nothing spells doom...
- Okay, a Kevin Smith character in Star Wars? Bitchin'!
- Wiener dogs are only fearsome if you're Kim Possible.

My $0.02 worth.
[User Picture]
From:missautopsy
Date:July 12th, 2005 04:18 pm (UTC)
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Well, my thrusters are firing non-sequentially at the moment.

- No, no, no dear, George Lucas' biggest disasters were Episodes I and II, trailed closely by Episode III. Howard the Duck, as disastrous a character as it was, was an improvement over Jar Jar! ;-) At least Howard was a smart ass and not just an ass.

- Twiki: I said a little less gay...C-3PO was always behind Luke and Han, and Chewy, and Anakin, and...and...and he was height proportionate!

- Awww, c'mon! A few insults from the peanut gallery never hurt anything. The world loves a good heckler. ;-)

- I wonder if his kidney ailment stunted his growth in other areas too...hmmm...Kenny Baker as a whole could act as the stunt cock...

- there can never be too many freaky midgets. (unless they're Ewoks...then a good squashing by an AT-AT is due).

- okay, agreed about Mike Myers, but imagine slave girl fembots...all speaking in echoes of each other...

- Jay. Definitely Jay.

- # Warning: Do not look at the wiener dog. Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to the wiener dog.
# Caution: The wiener dog may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
# The wiener dog contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
Avoid the wiener dog if any of the following occurs:
* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary blindness
* Profuse sweating
* Heart palpitations


If the wiener dog begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

The wiener dog may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, the wiener dog should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the owner of the wiener dog, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of the wiener dog include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

The wiener dog has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt the wiener dog.
[User Picture]
From:teague
Date:July 12th, 2005 06:31 pm (UTC)
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Jeeze. Where did you get that wiener dog? From a creepy old chinese man in an antiques and curiosities store? He's got more instructions than my Sony Universal Remote. *petpets the remote*
[User Picture]
From:missautopsy
Date:July 12th, 2005 09:39 pm (UTC)
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I *did* make the mistake of feeding her after midnight...hmmm...
You know the creepy old Chinese guy?
[User Picture]
From:teague
Date:July 12th, 2005 09:45 pm (UTC)
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Absolutely. I'm pretty sure I got my kitty, Binki, from him. She talks. She's a very good conversationalist.
[User Picture]
From:tripartite
Date:July 12th, 2005 11:38 pm (UTC)
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Really? I hadn't noticed. ;)

I didn't state Howard was his biggest, just that it was a disaster. I must agree, I think I'd have liked Howard better in the prequels than Jar Jar.

Twiki was just the right height... *ponders*

I guess my point is I don't need anyone to heckle for me. I'm quite capable of doing it myself thankyouverymuch.

He' played R2-D2, I'm certain he could be a stunk cock.

Yeah, someone's got to hold the camera in those extreme close up views. *nods*

*sigh* Mmm...slave girl fembots. /homer_simpson

I think Jay would make a good Maul. I think Kevin would make a better Emperor.

All I can say about that last bit is: whiskey, tango, foxtrot.
[User Picture]
From:missautopsy
Date:July 13th, 2005 12:12 am (UTC)
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Both Twiki and 3PO were built to serve...height, of course, being a factor dependent upon their pleasure-seeking master's mode of droid orgy... *nudge, nudge, wink, wink...say no more!* ;-)

Jay as Maul: now I really like that idea! But, I think I'd fear his double-edged saber. Snooch to the booch! Hmm...Silent Bob as the Emperor...I'm not sure. Bluntman is far too easy-going. I'm thinking Banky for that job...he's got the right attitude for it. Sanctimonious and ambitious; a right bastard.
[User Picture]
From:tripartite
Date:July 13th, 2005 02:11 am (UTC)
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Or is that to be "served"? Darth Vader was much taller than Buck Rogers.

You should see Trooper Clerks, Uncensored.
[User Picture]
From:teague
Date:July 13th, 2005 02:37 am (UTC)
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